Scripting how a leader can influence-someone-to-do-something is the norm in my office. It’s a topic that’s put on the coaching table almost everyday.
And the success rate of these leaders when they leave my office is so impressive. (I love this stuff!)
Let’s look at the crucial foundation stones of this success…
The Most Important Bits
The three foundation stones of influencing that are essential for you to be clear on are:
- What’s your intended outcome for the discussion?
- Have you gotten out of your own head?
- What’s in it for them to listen to you?
What’s Your Intended Outcome for the Discussion?
Having real clarity on your intention for your communication is the first essential—as is writing it down.
Double-check that it’s not too big a chunk for this one conversation.
For example: “My intent is to persuade my boss to not take any action for three months.”
or… “My intent is to have my team members commit to always wearing a team-hat.”
Have You Gotten Out of Your Own Head?
Most people put way too much emphasis on presenting a logical argument—and don’t give nearly enough attention to the emotions of the situation.
Limiting your communication to the facts and logic just isn’t going to cut it, especially if their logic doesn’t align well with your logic.
You need to “get out of your head” and disclose what’s going on for you emotionally—how you’re feeling about the situation and the conversation that you’re about to have.
And you need to check in with the other person to learn how they’re feeling about things too.
Because when you and they share feelings, you’ll create:
- A fuller understanding of what’s really going on
- Increased authenticity, and therefore increased rapport
- More trust, because the entire scenario is being shared
- Less stress. Sharing how you feel reduces the intensity in the pressure-cooker
- More listening and more receptivity to hearing a different point of view.
To put yourself in a better place to influence their thinking, you’ll need to touch them on an emotional level. So, say how you’re feeling.
For example: “I’m worried that if we jump in now we won’t be in a good position to xyz. This troubles me a lot. How are you feeling about where we’re up to and the timing of our next step?”
What’s In It for Them to Listen to You?
They have needs and concerns, right? So how will you get them to be interested in your proposal?
By linking what you’re saying to their needs and their concerns…
Jump into their shoes—what do they care about?—think through how your intent will impact them—where could it be aligned with their needs?—where might it help resolve some of their concerns?
It’s vital that, up front, you-let-them-know-you-know what they care about. And watch how it has them tuning in with an open mind.
For example: “I know that quickly getting a successful outcome is important to you. I want to describe a plan that I’m convinced will quickly give us the outcome we’re after. Is now a good time?”
Your Call to Action
So, whom do you want to influence to do what?
Go ahead and answer the three foundational questions:
- What’s your intended outcome for the discussion?
- Have you gotten out of your own head?
- What’s in it for them to listen to you?
Then arrange to have your influential discussion!
As always, let me know how you go. And give me a yell if you want support with this or another aspect of moving towards being an exemplary leader.
“It felt good to take time out and think about the situations that I was finding difficult to manage.
It was refreshing to have someone listen, acknowledge and understand how I felt.
(My coaching) helped me put these feelings into perspective,
learn how to manage difficult situations and help me
confront them assertively and with confidence.”
— Operations Manager, Banking Industry
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Carolyn Stevens has worked with leaders for more than 25-years—hundreds of them.
She’s supported leader after leader (including those who previously struggled to confront the difficult, let alone persuasively deal with the it) flourish—and become confident, courageous and impressively influential.
Carolyn is authentic and results-oriented. She draws on an eclectic array of approaches, tools and techniques to suit the situation.
