A couple of weeks ago a coaching conversation uncovered a quality that’s absolutely intrinsic to effective leadership. What is this quality? It’s a resilient “I’m OK, you’re OK” attitude.
Not nearly enough attention has been given to this topic in leadership development realms—and yet it’s impossible to be a truly effective leader without this underlying attitude.
You Can’t Be A Successful Leader Unless You Communicate Clearly
You’ve noticed that the leaders you admire have a certain way of communicating, right?
When they speak they’re as clean-as-a-whistle. They clearly don’t have a hidden agenda. You don’t find yourself questioning where they’re coming from. They’re straight-up, assured, direct and fully present. They’re authentic, believable and trustworthy.
There’s nothing contaminating their communication, nothing.
What Stops You Communicating Like Those Leaders You Admire?
Here’s this bulletin’s real moment of truth…
If any part of your thinking is “I’m not OK” or “You’re not OK” you’re doomed on the clear, direct, trustworthy communication front. Your communications will be contaminated!
Think about that: With an “I’m not OK” viewpoint or a “You’re not OK” viewpoint, you’ll need to watch very carefully what you’re saying.
When you’re trying to cover up that you think either you’re not OK or they’re not OK, you’ll be tense and on the lookout. You’ll be guarding against saying what you truly think and how you actually feel.
If that’s your internal state how can you:
- Assuredly engage in an authentic conversation with a team member, for example?
- Be fully present in that conversation?
The Intimate Relationship Between OK’ness And Candour
When you look closely at the leaders you admire, you’ll notice that they always have an “I’m OK, you’re OK” stance.
Only when you take this “I’m OK, you’re OK” stance are you able to be candid and relaxed about disclosing your thoughts and feelings. Because only then do you have nothing to hide.
This could be your point of no return in terms of you completely lifting your leadership game!
Your Leadership Call To Action
What’s next for you?
Awareness is the key! Staying alert to what’s going on in your “OK camp” is usually all you’ll need to do…
Stay tuned-in to those corners of your mind, even tapping into the previously unconscious parts, that have had you determining who’s OK and who’s not.
If awareness isn’t a sufficient remedy for you because you uncover such stubborn not-OK’ness…
Make a decision, here and now make a decision, to look for and find something that will have you make both you and other person OK.
Keep on looking until you find something.
As a leader, that’s a crucial part of your job .
As always, email me if you want support with this. And please keep your comments and feedback rolling in.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Carolyn Stevens has worked with leaders for more than 25-years—hundreds of them.
She’s supported leader after leader (including those who previously struggled to confront the difficult, let alone persuasively deal with the it) flourish—and become confident, courageous and impressively influential.
Carolyn is authentic and results-oriented. She draws on an eclectic array of approaches, tools and techniques to suit the situation.