+61 4 1203 0947
carolyn@leadingperformance.com.au
Leading PerformanceLeading PerformanceLeading PerformanceLeading Performance
  • Ambitious Female Leaders
  • Accelerating Your Career
  • Book: “Confident, Candid & Courageous”
  • About Carolyn Stevens
  • Media Interactions
    • Turning Anxiety On Its Head
    • Meetings, Bloody Meetings
    • Make An Apology Really Count
    • Why Do We Avoid Tricky Conversations
    • Strategies for female senior executives
  • Leadership Blog Directory

7-Step Blueprint For Clearing Up Conflict

    Home Conflict Management/Tough Conversations 7-Step Blueprint For Clearing Up Conflict

    7-Step Blueprint For Clearing Up Conflict

    By Carolyn Stevens | Conflict Management/Tough Conversations, You As A Leader | 0 comment | 20 April, 2016 | 2

    I often write about how to deal with conflict.

    That’s because there are so many leaders who don’t master conflict. They therefore grapple with managing their tension and stress and unwittingly stall their careers.

    You’ll benefit from checking out this template if you:

    • Feel nervous when conflict strikes, or
    • Find yourself side-stepping hard-to-handle, difficult situations, or
    • Have an inkling that your success, and your career, could be hampered because you haven’t been dealing with conflict as an admirable leader would.
    Destructive Approach:

    You’ll struggle with conflict
    if this is your approach…

    Constructive Approach:

    Do this and you’ll
    resolve conflict like a pro…

    You attempt to win regardless of the impact that your win has on the other person.

    “What could work for them?” isn’t something that enters your head.

    You focus on a win/win outcome.

    If you can’t think of a win for them, you could say, “It’s important to me that we figure out something that’s going to work for both of us. What could work for you?”

    You’re accusatory and blaming.

    You have a habit of verbally pointing your finger at the other person by using phrases like “You should have…” or “If you hadn’t…”.

    You focus on a win/win outcome.

    If you can’t think of a win for them, you could say, “It’s important to me that we figure out something that’s going to work for both of us. What could work for you?”

    You don’t habitually try to understand how things are in their world.

    You don’t consider getting out of your shoes and asking yourself “How is this situation for them?”

    You always reflect on the other person’s position—their situation, their needs and their concerns.

    You want to understand how the world looks from their perspective.

    You’re impulsive when you make statements and answer questions.

    You react emotionally, rather than respond skilfully.

    Your responses are thoughtful, pragmatic and measured.

    You’re aware of the costs of reacting emotionally—and avoid doing that.

    It’s not top-of-mind for you to think respectfully about them.

    Your behaviour probably indicates that you don’t respect them. “Sooner or later we act out what we really think!”

    You think of them in a respectful way—and you behave respectfully towards them.

    You listen supportively and you let them know that you’ve heard their perspective.

    Your focus is on what’s not OK.

    You talk about the ins-and-outs of problems—at length.

    You’re solution oriented.

    As soon as possible, you talk about how the problem might be resolved.

     

    When Your Approach Is Destructive…

    …you’ll provoke frustration and anger. The other person will often try to find a way (overtly or covertly) to get even with you. And communication is likely to shut down.

    This is bad for productivity and for your career.


    When You’re Constructive…

    …you’ll get important issues on the table. You’ll stimulate critical thinking and creativity.

    Watch. Productivity will radically improve—as will your career opportunities!

     

    Your Call to Action

    Changing these behaviours is simple—but not easy.

    The simple bit about the 7 constructive behaviours is understanding what needs to be done. The more difficult bit is habituating the new behaviour.

    After all, you’ve spent a few years practising some of those destructive behaviours, right?

    Now it’s time to practice the “constructive” behaviours. Focus on them—practice until you have 100% consistency with them.

    How will it be when you confidently and competently confront conflict, the minute you have an inkling that conflict is lurking?

    “Carolyn provides a safe and comfortable environment which allows honest airing of issues, and therefore an opportunity to develop specific and useful strategies for leadership. (My coaching) has been an excellent experience.”  — General Manager, Health Service

     

     

    ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

    Carolyn Stevens has worked with leaders for more than 25-years—hundreds of them.

    She’s supported leader after leader (including those who previously struggled to confront the difficult, let alone persuasively deal with the it) flourish—and become confident, courageous and impressively influential.

    Carolyn is authentic and results-oriented. She draws on an eclectic array of approaches, tools and techniques to suit the situation.

    No tags.

    Related Posts

    • There Are Leaders—And There Are Impressive Leaders!

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      Brenè Brown has got me thinking, again… You’ll agree that truly impressive leaders think and behave differently to run-of-the-mill leaders. This is especially so when they give developmental feedback. After all, developmental feedback, when deliveredRead more

    • Six Steps To Resolving Conflict

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      An unresolved conflict is hugely detrimental to relationships, teamwork and productivity. Therefore it must be dealt with quickly. This, for many, is easier said than done. On the topic of conflict, best selling author, SethRead more

    • How Do Brilliant Leaders Think?

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      Brilliant leaders think differently to not-so-brilliant leaders. This is good news if you want your leadership to be more brilliant than it currently is—given that you’re 100% in control of the way you think :-).Read more

    • Hottest Leadership Topics in 2017

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      I’ve loved receiving your comments and feedback on my Leadership Blogs throughout the year. Thank you for your thoughts and for your appreciation :-). You’ve indicated that the most valuable Leadership Blogs in 2017 haveRead more

    • Authenticity—It’s A Hallmark of a Great Leader

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      There’s so much talk about the importance of being “authentic”—the value of telling the truth about your thoughts and feelings. Why is authenticity such a big deal? Reflect on leaders you’ve been exposed to—who wasRead more

    Categories

    • Communication
    • Conflict Management/Tough Conversations
    • Delegation
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Feedback
    • I'm OK, You're OK
    • Influencing Others
    • Meetings
    • People Leadership
    • Strategic Leadership
    • Teamwork
    • Time & Stress Management
    • Trust
    • You As A Leader
    • Your Career
    • 2020
    • 2019
    • 2018
    • 2017
    • 2016
    • 2015
    • 2014
    • 2013
    • 2012
    • 2011
    • 2010
    • 2009

    Recent Leadership Blogs

    • Are You Making THE Biggest Mistake Leaders Make? 10/11/2020
    • Want To Stop Feeling Like an Imposter? 12/10/2020
    • Optimism As A Choice 14/09/2020
    • The Real Costs of You Feeling Anxious & Overwhelmed 05/08/2020

    Contact

    Carolyn Stevens

    +61 412 030 947

    email

    PO Box 196
    North Sydney
    NSW 2059
    Australia

    Privacy Policy

    Copyright 2022 | Leading Performance Pty Ltd | All Rights Reserved | Site design by Baxter Studios
    • #11829 (no title)
    • “I Don’t Have A Safe Place To Talk Through My Fears And Concerns”
    • “I Don’t Like To Admit It, But There Are Times When I Avoid Confronting A Team Member”
    • “I Sometimes Avoid Jumping In And Dealing With Tricky Situations”
    • “I’m Certain I’m Not Always Seen As A Strong And Capable Leader”
    • “I’m Not Totally Confident That I Can Always Get Others To See Things My Way”
    • “I’m Often Buried With The Tactical And Operational, Which
      Prevents Me From Having Time To Think Strategically”
    • “I’m Strong Enough And Capable Enough To Solve My Own Problems”
    • “I’m Surviving, Not Thriving”
    • “Maybe I’m Not Capable Of Being The World-Class Executive That I Want To Be”
    • “There’s A Part Of Me That Wants To Be More Courageous And Speak My Truth More Often”
    • About Carolyn Stevens
    • Accelerating Your Career
    • AFR & VA
    • Ambitious Female Leaders
    • Blog
    • Book: Confident, Candid & Courageous
    • Checkout Book Confident Candid Courageous
    • Coaching Leaders
      • Career or Outplacement Coaching
      • Deal With Your Roadblocks
      • Leader Coaching
    • Consult
    • Home
    • Homepage
    • Leadership Blog
    • Leadership Blog Opt-In
    • Leadership Blog Opt-in
    • Leadership Blog Opt-in Confirmation
    • Logged Out
    • Login (redirect only)
    • Make An Apology Really Count
    • Media Interactions
    • Meetings, Bloody Meetings
    • Privacy Policy
    • Test
    • The Engaging Female Leader Questionnaire
    • The Engaging Female Leader Thank You
    • Turning Anxiety On Its Head
    • Why Do We Avoid Tricky Conversations
    • Your Coaching Resource Centre
    Leading Performance