+61 4 1203 0947
carolyn@leadingperformance.com.au
Leading PerformanceLeading PerformanceLeading PerformanceLeading Performance
  • Ambitious Female Leaders
  • Accelerating Your Career
  • Book: “Confident, Candid & Courageous”
  • About Carolyn Stevens
  • Media Interactions
    • Turning Anxiety On Its Head
    • Meetings, Bloody Meetings
    • Make An Apology Really Count
    • Why Do We Avoid Tricky Conversations
    • Strategies for female senior executives
  • Leadership Blog Directory

The Influential Leader’s Formula For Resolving Their Toughest Conflicts

    Home Communication The Influential Leader’s Formula For Resolving Their Toughest Conflicts

    The Influential Leader’s Formula For Resolving Their Toughest Conflicts

    By Carolyn Stevens | Communication, Conflict Management/Tough Conversations | 0 comment | 30 September, 2015 | 0

    So many leaders do a fabulous job—except when it comes to dealing with the conflicts that inevitably show up in their leadership role. That’s where they let themselves down.

    Confidently confronting and eliminating conflicts is a crucial missing link for so many leaders.

    I’m going to show you how you can take preventative action so that many of your conflicts are a thing of the past.

     

    The Consequences Of Sidestepping Conflict

    When you sidestep conflicts or don’t deal with conflicts effectively:

      • Your stress increases
      • You don’t feel proud of yourself—your self-esteem suffers
      • You toss and turn at night—either because you weren’t thrilled with the way you dealt with a conflict, or because the difficult issue you’ve been avoiding confronting is lurking in the back of your mind.

     

    What Causes You To Be In Conflict?

    Many of your conflicts are caused by one thing…

    Your expectations and the other person’s expectations are not aligned.

    We so often assume we know where the other person’s coming from and what their intent is.

    It’s these suppositions and assumptions that are so often the root cause of many of the clashes that you have with people.

    When you expect one thing—and the other party expects something different, you can bet that dissatisfaction, frustration, conflict and even anger is going to occur.

     

    Three Types Of Expectations

    There are three different classes of expectations:

      1. Verbalised expectations You and the other person have discussed your expectations.For example, you and Alex have agreed that, by Friday this week, he’ll deliver a two-page report about “xyz” and that he’ll address “abc”.Because you’ve both tabled your expectations they’re likely to be met and conflict won’t arise.
      2. Non-verbalised expectations You’re aware that you have expectations but they haven’t been communicated to the other person. For example, you know you need “abc’ addressed in a “xyz” report from Alex by Friday this week BUT you’ve not had a discussion with Alex about the report, the timing or your thinking about the what the report needs to contain.It’ll therefore be hit and miss whether Alex has the report to you by Friday. And if he does, there’s a fair chance it won’t meet your criteria.
      3. Unconscious expectations You’re not aware that you have expecations about xyz.Warning! These unconscious expectations are VERY dangeous! For example, you know that you need a report from Alex but you’ve not consciously thought about your timing needs or the details of what you expect the report to contain.I doubt that your expectations will be met—unless you strike it lucky or unless Alex is a subconscious-mind reader .

     

    How To Minimise Your Exposure To Conflict And Create More Harmony

    Think back to a recent conflict you had…

    Did that conflict occur because you didn’t discuss your expectations with the other person—or vice versa?

    The key to minimising people clashes and creating more harmony is this:

    Frequently, have expectation-aligning discussions.

    You could simply say something like:

    “Sam, my expectation is that you’ll blah, blah, blah.


    How aligned is that with your thinking?”

    Not hard, is it?

    It’s critical that you have these discussions—and they’re not difficult discussions to have.

     

    Your Action Steps

    Think about your day/week/month—decide with whom there’s an overdue expectation-alignment discussion.

    Have those discussions.

    You’ll immediately notice that there’s much less conflict in your world when you take this preventive action.

    “I am now more influential with my direct reports, peers and others. Carolyn is a highly-capable coach who develops leaders key strengths to extraordinary skills.”
    – National Service Delivery Manager, Document Management Solutions

     

     

     

    ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

    Carolyn Stevens has worked with leaders for more than 25-years—hundreds of them.

    She’s supported leader after leader (including those who previously struggled to confront the difficult, let alone persuasively deal with the it) flourish—and become confident, courageous and impressively influential.

    Carolyn is authentic and results-oriented. She draws on an eclectic array of approaches, tools and techniques to suit the situation.

    No tags.

    Related Posts

    • There Are Leaders—And There Are Impressive Leaders!

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      Brenè Brown has got me thinking, again… You’ll agree that truly impressive leaders think and behave differently to run-of-the-mill leaders. This is especially so when they give developmental feedback. After all, developmental feedback, when deliveredRead more

    • Tricky Conversations—The Costs of Avoiding Them Are Huge!

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      Almost every day I hear a leader describe their unhappiness about a team member’s performance or behaviour. But when I ask the leader how candid they’ve been with their team member about it, the leaderRead more

    • How Do Brilliant Leaders Think?

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      Brilliant leaders think differently to not-so-brilliant leaders. This is good news if you want your leadership to be more brilliant than it currently is—given that you’re 100% in control of the way you think :-).Read more

    • Hottest Leadership Topics in 2017

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      I’ve loved receiving your comments and feedback on my Leadership Blogs throughout the year. Thank you for your thoughts and for your appreciation :-). You’ve indicated that the most valuable Leadership Blogs in 2017 haveRead more

    • How To Put Things Right When Someone’s Peeved With You

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      You so often get yourself into more trouble when you try to sort things out with someone you’ve upset. In an effort to justify your actions, you typically tell them why you did what youRead more

    Categories

    • Communication
    • Conflict Management/Tough Conversations
    • Delegation
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Feedback
    • I'm OK, You're OK
    • Influencing Others
    • Meetings
    • People Leadership
    • Strategic Leadership
    • Teamwork
    • Time & Stress Management
    • Trust
    • You As A Leader
    • Your Career
    • 2020
    • 2019
    • 2018
    • 2017
    • 2016
    • 2015
    • 2014
    • 2013
    • 2012
    • 2011
    • 2010
    • 2009

    Recent Leadership Blogs

    • Are You Making THE Biggest Mistake Leaders Make? 10/11/2020
    • Want To Stop Feeling Like an Imposter? 12/10/2020
    • Optimism As A Choice 14/09/2020
    • The Real Costs of You Feeling Anxious & Overwhelmed 05/08/2020

    Contact

    Carolyn Stevens

    +61 412 030 947

    email

    PO Box 196
    North Sydney
    NSW 2059
    Australia

    Privacy Policy

    Copyright 2022 | Leading Performance Pty Ltd | All Rights Reserved | Site design by Baxter Studios
    • #11829 (no title)
    • “I Don’t Have A Safe Place To Talk Through My Fears And Concerns”
    • “I Don’t Like To Admit It, But There Are Times When I Avoid Confronting A Team Member”
    • “I Sometimes Avoid Jumping In And Dealing With Tricky Situations”
    • “I’m Certain I’m Not Always Seen As A Strong And Capable Leader”
    • “I’m Not Totally Confident That I Can Always Get Others To See Things My Way”
    • “I’m Often Buried With The Tactical And Operational, Which
      Prevents Me From Having Time To Think Strategically”
    • “I’m Strong Enough And Capable Enough To Solve My Own Problems”
    • “I’m Surviving, Not Thriving”
    • “Maybe I’m Not Capable Of Being The World-Class Executive That I Want To Be”
    • “There’s A Part Of Me That Wants To Be More Courageous And Speak My Truth More Often”
    • About Carolyn Stevens
    • Accelerating Your Career
    • AFR & VA
    • Ambitious Female Leaders
    • Blog
    • Book: Confident, Candid & Courageous
    • Checkout Book Confident Candid Courageous
    • Coaching Leaders
      • Career or Outplacement Coaching
      • Deal With Your Roadblocks
      • Leader Coaching
    • Consult
    • Home
    • Homepage
    • Leadership Blog
    • Leadership Blog Opt-In
    • Leadership Blog Opt-in
    • Leadership Blog Opt-in Confirmation
    • Logged Out
    • Login (redirect only)
    • Make An Apology Really Count
    • Media Interactions
    • Meetings, Bloody Meetings
    • Privacy Policy
    • Test
    • The Engaging Female Leader Questionnaire
    • The Engaging Female Leader Thank You
    • Turning Anxiety On Its Head
    • Why Do We Avoid Tricky Conversations
    • Your Coaching Resource Centre
    Leading Performance