+61 4 1203 0947
carolyn@leadingperformance.com.au
Leading PerformanceLeading PerformanceLeading PerformanceLeading Performance
  • Ambitious Female Leaders
  • Accelerating Your Career
  • Book: “Confident, Candid & Courageous”
  • About Carolyn Stevens
  • Media Interactions
    • Turning Anxiety On Its Head
    • Meetings, Bloody Meetings
    • Make An Apology Really Count
    • Why Do We Avoid Tricky Conversations
    • Strategies for female senior executives
  • Leadership Blog Directory

Looking For A Sure-Fire Way To Influence?

    Home Communication Looking For A Sure-Fire Way To Influence?

    Looking For A Sure-Fire Way To Influence?

    By Carolyn Stevens | Communication, Conflict Management/Tough Conversations, Influencing Others | 0 comment | 21 June, 2017 | 7

    After examining bucket-loads of literature and observing behaviours, I have no doubt that the sure-fire way to influencing someone is to—here it is—be committed to their success!

    When I say “influence”, I don’t mean a self-centered manipulation that results in you getting what you want and the other party being screwed. I mean a positive interaction that will have you holding your head high, before, during and after the conversation.

    If you have more than a shred of “I need to get them to listen to me and buy my idea”, you’ll need to lose it :-).


    Check It Out For Yourself

    Think of a situation that’s real-life for you and…

    • First, be sure you’re clear about your outcome—what you want.
      Let’s say you want a member of Sam’s team to transfer into your team.
    • Next, jump into your counterpart’s shoes
      Strive to understand their position. Think about what it’s like in their world. What do they care about? What’s stressing them? How is his workload? What’s on track for him? What challenges might he be facing? The more you can get into Sam’s shoes, the more effectively you’ll influence him.
    • Then find a win for him.
      What’s in it for Sam to endorse the transfer of his team member into your team
    • What might discourage your counterpart from agreeing to transferring his team member to your team?
      What costs might he incur? What else could dissuade him?
    • Stand back and carefully consider what success with this issue would look like for them.
      Authentically care about what he cares about—still leaving your own agenda at the door. Think, “If I were Sam, what would I want?” What would an ideal scenario look like for him?

    Forget your logical reasoning, forget your sensible arguments—unless you can present Sam with a proposal that’s going to delight him, I suggest you consider going back to the drawing board until you’ve got a big enough reason for Sam to be delighted with your proposal.


    Are You Up For Putting This Hefty Emphasis On What The Other Person Wants?

    The less you focus on getting what you want, the more you’ll get what you want.

    You will need to back off from pushing your case—but that will mean your counterpart will be oh-so receptive to having the conversation and you’ll be massively more persuasive.

    And by the way (if you’re anything like me) it’ll feel good too :-).

    Added to those rewards is the bonus that, in subsequent conversations with your counterpart, you’ll inherently be more influential with them because:

    • They now trust you to take care of them
    • You’ve developed a better relationship with them.


    Your Call To Action

    Hopefully, you’re convinced that exploiting your counterpart is not the answer and you’re you up for adopting this collaborative stance.

    Expect that whenever you do a seriously good job of understanding your counterpart’s position you’ll be thrilled with how influential you’ve become.

    And, naturally, your other party will be thrilled too!

     

    “Carolyn possesses an amazing range of skills and expertise to provide insights in a confidential and highly supportive environment. Ultimately this promotes learning, personal growth and building confidence and leadership capability. This has important flow-on effects not only for team members but for the organisation as a whole.”

    Deputy CEO, Beyond Blue.

     

    ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

    Carolyn Stevens has worked with leaders for more than 25-years—hundreds of them.

    She’s helped leader after leader become totally proud of who they are as a leader—confident, courageous, impressively influential (even when they’ve previously struggled to confront the difficult, let alone persuasively deal with it).

    Carolyn is authentic and results-oriented. She’ll draw on an eclectic array of approaches, tools and techniques to suit your situation.

    She’s never too busy to talk to you—or to leaders you refer who’re in a hurry to boost their success. Email to arrange a time to chat: carolyn@leadingperformance.com.au

    conflict, convince, great leaders, influence, persuade

    Related Posts

    • Hottest Leadership Topics in 2017

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      I’ve loved receiving your comments and feedback on my Leadership Blogs throughout the year. Thank you for your thoughts and for your appreciation :-). You’ve indicated that the most valuable Leadership Blogs in 2017 haveRead more

    • Honesty—You’re Screwed If It’s Not Your Policy

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      It doesn’t matter what you call it….. honesty—authenticity—candour—integrity—frankness—truthfulness—openness—sincerity—genuineness It’s a prerequisite if you’re to be trusted by people.   Honesty and Influence Here’s the thing… It’s essential that other people trust you if you planRead more

    • Are You Avoiding Or Confronting Awkward Situations?

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      To be frank, I’m amazed at how many people step around difficulties. Even some otherwise impressive leaders are doing it.Don’t get me wrong. I’m not encouraging you to be too challenging or to take aRead more

    • You’re Screwed If You’re Trying To Prove You’re Right And They’re Wrong

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      It Was Clear That The Two In The Next Meeting Room Were In Trouble… Overhearing was inevitable from my adjacent room—and things weren’t going well for them! Interestingly, when you only hear the voice it’sRead more

    • There Are Leaders—And There Are Impressive Leaders!

      By Carolyn Stevens | 0 comment

      Brenè Brown has got me thinking, again… You’ll agree that truly impressive leaders think and behave differently to run-of-the-mill leaders. This is especially so when they give developmental feedback. After all, developmental feedback, when deliveredRead more

    Categories

    • Communication
    • Conflict Management/Tough Conversations
    • Delegation
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Feedback
    • I'm OK, You're OK
    • Influencing Others
    • Meetings
    • People Leadership
    • Strategic Leadership
    • Teamwork
    • Time & Stress Management
    • Trust
    • You As A Leader
    • Your Career
    • 2020
    • 2019
    • 2018
    • 2017
    • 2016
    • 2015
    • 2014
    • 2013
    • 2012
    • 2011
    • 2010
    • 2009

    Recent Leadership Blogs

    • Are You Making THE Biggest Mistake Leaders Make? 10/11/2020
    • Want To Stop Feeling Like an Imposter? 12/10/2020
    • Optimism As A Choice 14/09/2020
    • The Real Costs of You Feeling Anxious & Overwhelmed 05/08/2020

    Contact

    Carolyn Stevens

    +61 412 030 947

    email

    PO Box 196
    North Sydney
    NSW 2059
    Australia

    Privacy Policy

    Copyright 2022 | Leading Performance Pty Ltd | All Rights Reserved | Site design by Baxter Studios
    • #11829 (no title)
    • “I Don’t Have A Safe Place To Talk Through My Fears And Concerns”
    • “I Don’t Like To Admit It, But There Are Times When I Avoid Confronting A Team Member”
    • “I Sometimes Avoid Jumping In And Dealing With Tricky Situations”
    • “I’m Certain I’m Not Always Seen As A Strong And Capable Leader”
    • “I’m Not Totally Confident That I Can Always Get Others To See Things My Way”
    • “I’m Often Buried With The Tactical And Operational, Which
      Prevents Me From Having Time To Think Strategically”
    • “I’m Strong Enough And Capable Enough To Solve My Own Problems”
    • “I’m Surviving, Not Thriving”
    • “Maybe I’m Not Capable Of Being The World-Class Executive That I Want To Be”
    • “There’s A Part Of Me That Wants To Be More Courageous And Speak My Truth More Often”
    • About Carolyn Stevens
    • Accelerating Your Career
    • AFR & VA
    • Ambitious Female Leaders
    • Blog
    • Book: Confident, Candid & Courageous
    • Checkout Book Confident Candid Courageous
    • Coaching Leaders
      • Career or Outplacement Coaching
      • Deal With Your Roadblocks
      • Leader Coaching
    • Consult
    • Home
    • Homepage
    • Leadership Blog
    • Leadership Blog Opt-In
    • Leadership Blog Opt-in
    • Leadership Blog Opt-in Confirmation
    • Logged Out
    • Login (redirect only)
    • Make An Apology Really Count
    • Media Interactions
    • Meetings, Bloody Meetings
    • Privacy Policy
    • Test
    • The Engaging Female Leader Questionnaire
    • The Engaging Female Leader Thank You
    • Turning Anxiety On Its Head
    • Why Do We Avoid Tricky Conversations
    • Your Coaching Resource Centre
    Leading Performance