A recent coaching conversation uncovered a quality that’s intrinsic to effective leadership—a sturdy, resilient “I’m OK, you’re OK” mindset.
Surprisingly, leaders and those who develop leaders haven’t given a lot of attention to this topic—and yet it’s impossible for a leader to be astute, influential and upwardly mobile without this underlying mindset.
Here’s why…
You Can’t Be An Effective Leader Without Communicating Clearly
Have you noticed that the leaders you admire have a certain way of communicating?
When they speak they’re as-clean-as-a-whistle:
- They clearly don’t have a hidden agenda. You don’t find yourself questioning where they’re coming from.
- They’re straight-up, assured, direct and fully present. They’re authentic, believable and trustworthy.
There’s nothing contaminating their communication, nothing.
What Stops You From Communicating Like Those Leaders You Admire?
Here’s this bulletin’s real moment of truth…
If any part of your thinking is “I’m not OK” or “You’re not OK” you’re doomed on the clear, direct, trustworthy communication front. Your communications will be contaminated!
Think about that: With an “I’m not OK” mindset or a “You’re not OK” viewpoint, you’ll need to very carefully watch what you’re saying.
If you’re trying to cover up that you think either “I’m not OK” or that you think “you’re not OK”, you’ll be uneasy and on the lookout. You’ll be guarding against saying what you truly think and how you actually feel.
If that’s your internal state how can you:
- Assuredly engage in an authentic conversation, with your team member for example?
- Be fully present in that conversation?
The Intimate Relationship Between OK’ness And Candour
When you look closely at the leaders you admire, you’ll notice that they always have an “I’m OK, you’re OK” stance.
Only when you take this “I’m OK, you’re OK” position are you able to be candid and relaxed about disclosing your thoughts and feelings. Because only then do you have nothing to hide.
This actually could be your point of no return in terms of you completely lifting your leadership game!
Your Leadership Call To Action
What’s next for you?
Awareness is the key. Staying alert to what’s going on in your “OK camp” is usually all you’ll need to do…
Stay tuned-in to those corners of your mind, even tapping into the previously unconscious parts, that have had you determining who’s OK and who’s not.
If awareness isn’t a sufficient remedy for you because you uncover such stubborn not-OK’ness, then…
Make a decision, here and now make a decision—to look for, and find, something that will have you make the other person OK, and/or look for, and find, something that will have you make you OK.
Keep looking until you find something.
As a leader, it’s a crucial part of your job.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Carolyn Stevens has worked with leaders for more than 25-years—hundreds of them.
She’s supported leader after leader (including those who previously struggled to confront the difficult, let alone persuasively deal with the it) flourish—and become confident, courageous and impressively influential.
Carolyn is authentic and results-oriented. She draws on an eclectic array of approaches, tools and techniques to suit the situation.
