A major consequence of not dealing with difficulties is high levels of tension, anxiety, stress, and emotional outbursts.
Especially if you’re an aspiring senior executive, you simply can’t afford to have high levels of tension, anxiety, and stress.
Nor can you afford to have the emotional outbursts that show up because of high levels of tension, anxiety, and stress.
So, what can you do to manage your emotions?
First, let’s investigate one method of managing your emotions before you begin your tricky discussion…
Scenario #1
Imagine you and I have a conversation about the economy, how bad it is and about how it’s likely to deteriorate rather than improve.
As we move through our day, what will we notice?
We’ll notice how bad the economy is and how it looks to be deteriorating.
Scenario #2
Imagine you and I have a conversation about the economy, how good it is and about how it’s likely to keep getting better in the foreseeable future.
As we move through our day, what will we notice?
We’ll notice how good the economy is and how it looks to be improving even more.
What’s going on here?
When our reticular activating system, our antennae, is focused on what we think is true — then we see either a deteriorating or improving economy, depending on how our antennae is tuned.
What we focus on is what we see!
As you imagine your tricky discussion, you have two possible scenarios in your head …
Scenario #1
You’ve imagined just how tricky this “tricky” discussion is going to be.
You’ve thought about how much resistance you’re going to get and you’re not sure you’ll know how to respond to the person’s counter-arguments.
Your body’s tense, your shoulders and jaw are tight, your facial expression strained and you look serious.
You’re anxious and uptight as you anticipate your undesirable outcome.
Scenario #2
You’ve thought through your desired outcome from your “tricky” discussion.
You’re imagining a healthy discussion and achieving your desired outcome.
Your body’s relaxed and your facial expression is warm.
You’re feeling optimistic and easy as you enter the discussion.
Managing your emotions as you enter a tricky situation isn’t just important — it’s actually critical.
Your effectiveness in managing them will have a significant impact on the outcome that you create.
Second, let’s investigate how you can manage your emotions during your tricky discussion…
Emotional outbursts occur when your unexpressed feelings create more pressure than you can manage.
How can you relieve this pressure before it becomes a problem?
The answer is to share your feelings.
Express them when they’re small and manageable to prevent them from escalating.
You’ll notice amazing positive impacts when you express your feelings. You’ll:
- Increase the amount of trust in your relationship and therefore your ability to resolve issues
- Be more easily understood — misunderstandings will be prevented
- Enhance your mental and physical health. You’re freer to deal with what needs to be dealt with. Your stress levels will reduce. You’ll feel happier
- Enable the other person to respond more appropriately because they have a fuller message
- Prevent unexpressed negative feelings which produce a cold or aggressive atmosphere
- Find it easier to influence the other person (because they receive a fuller communication)
- Create a closer, more fulfilling relationship. (Unexpressed feelings get in the way of closeness.)
- Prevent your ignored feelings from distorting your perception of events
- Stop yourself from turning into a numb, expressionless person who impacts as not being present in the conversation
- Notice that your interpersonal effectiveness increases as your relevant feelings and information are expressed, discussed, and become controllable.
Now, knowing how to better manage your emotions before and during your tricky conversations, you’ll feel more courageous about confronting those pesky situations!
The Importance Of Having A Schema
The novice/expert schema thing is kicking in here, again.
Constructively dealing with tricky situations requires knowledge, skill, and a willingness to courageously confront.
Time after time, I’ve seen executives who were previously unwilling to confront turn things around and courageously confront without hesitation.
This turnaround occurred once they had learned a schema that they could make come alive in their world.
Simply reading about these how-to’s doesn’t work.
Each schema needs to be applied to suit your personal style and to suit your specific scenarios.
Then you’ll no longer avoid jumping in and confronting tricky situations :).
Let’s face it — world-class executives don’t sidestep, they confront.
But they confront in a way that has the other person feeling respected and valued.
Continued in Carolyn Stevens’ book, “Stepping Into Your Power“.
